i had 2 different people this weekend ask me, “how is your life going?”
that is the new worst question to me. i would never ask someone such a thing. i know it probably wasn’t intended to be that invasive. but to me it felt like i was expected to crack my ribcage open and let them have a look around. no. just no.
how is my life thing? i’m surviving. It’s 6 months today. the shocks of horror and disbelief can jerk me awake once in awhile. it feels like it was last week. life will never be the same again.
despite this year being the worst of my entire life, i know i am still lucky compared to other people in other ways. i still have a place to live, i am safe, i have food, i am healthy.
it may be that i have survivor’s guilt, but i want to give as much as i can now to charities.
so today i spent $65 on a giant pink stuffed unicorn at t.j. maxx and was hit on by a nice young lesbian. there is a toys for tots at work. i already bought a bear and put Phil’s initials on the tag, but i saw this unicorn when i was shopping with olivia and i couldn’t resist.
i really don’t know what i’m doing on any level anymore.