got upset about b and life in general tonight. i almost went out and bought a pack of cigarettes. twice i was ready to leave the house and i stopped myself.
i took a shot instead and it hit me funny probably because i have been up since 4:30. so, not feeling right, i called isaac. he was the asshole he has always been since we met 10 years ago. i told him this and hung up. and for once i felt nothing about it. not anger, sadness or disgust with myself. i feel nothing about it at all.
overall Phil would actually be proud of me tonight.
wake up with the crushing sadness just waiting to come out
in a low moment last week i sent a message to him admitting to having “had” feelings for him. i put it in past tense to try to give myself some wiggle room. he didn’t respond at all which i kind of expected but was still painful. i saw him for the first time tuesday and avoided him easily. the next two days he was openly flirting with me and following me around. to say this is somewhat confounding is putting it lightly. i am 97% sure this will end in tears.
hmmmm yeah, tumblr would celebrate Aviation Day, marking barely over a century of human flight when birds had been flying for millions of years before the Wright brothers. never forget.
Tumblr hereby recognizes the accomplishments of birds.