it’s been a strange day. i went up there, and luckily b wasn’t there - which was a relief. so i got stuff done without being put into that particular emotional state. then i talked to rachel just to make sure i wasn’t going to be fucked over in a month or so. she assured me, that indeed, i was not.

then i got into an odd conversation with my mother today. basically about how suzanne had wanted me to go down to florida around christmas. i hadn’t even considered it at the time, because it just wasn’t feasible in my mind. we only have the immediate family, and holidays are always together. always. i didn’t bring it up to anyone in the family, but my mother asked about suzanne today, so it slipped out.

her reaction, in a basic way, was typical. she is the type to want to hold onto her “kids” forever. she didn’t get angry or really upset, just oddly stressed. it frustrated me, and i had to tell her i don’t want her holding onto me anymore. to my amazement, she didn’t blow up. she responded like i was a normal person she was having a conversation with instead of someone she could manipulate or dominate.

i mean, i’m sure if/when i decide to go in the future, there may be a little bit of a scene. but we actually broke some new ground today. a little bit.

and here’s the deal that made my day a little less likely to end in murder and an overnight road trip to california: i have figured out a way to save at the least $500 a month. considering that i’m taking classes, this will save and change my life.